musings about coping mechanisms and fatigue
i.
I don't want to talk about Sarah
or Michael or Emmett or
Freddie or Medgar
or Oscar
or Eric
or tomorrow’s name to be rallied for
or yesterday’s that is too heavy to carry
into the list of names I can run off the top of my head
today
or Michael or Emmett or
Freddie or Medgar
or Oscar
or Eric
or tomorrow’s name to be rallied for
or yesterday’s that is too heavy to carry
into the list of names I can run off the top of my head
today
I want to talk about little girls with long legs
straight backs
moving sure and stretched
as if they came fresh off the ancient plains
surveying all that they possess
feet grounded in the dust that possesses them
Carrying in these joints and bones
regality unmatched
innate
genetic
straight backs
moving sure and stretched
as if they came fresh off the ancient plains
surveying all that they possess
feet grounded in the dust that possesses them
Carrying in these joints and bones
regality unmatched
innate
genetic
Summer’s girls heading to park council meetings
about the plans for the day
or returning from the corner store
with the spoils of war in one hand
phones in the other
about the plans for the day
or returning from the corner store
with the spoils of war in one hand
phones in the other
I want to talk about how one of them
has beautiful braids
uniformly done
swirled into a spectacular topknot
I want to discuss,
how the other young lady has
an afro so large that it billows like Wisconsin grass
one might see on a road trip
has beautiful braids
uniformly done
swirled into a spectacular topknot
I want to discuss,
how the other young lady has
an afro so large that it billows like Wisconsin grass
one might see on a road trip
I don't want to talk about blue bullets
black on black myths
official reports and opinions that lie
I don't want to talk about pink fingers strangling
triggering
dripping with venom
or the stolen power trickling down their guilty hands
into the ink of the reports
so that all lives can matter or whatever
black on black myths
official reports and opinions that lie
I don't want to talk about pink fingers strangling
triggering
dripping with venom
or the stolen power trickling down their guilty hands
into the ink of the reports
so that all lives can matter or whatever
ii.
I don't want to talk about
fingers
guns
batons
policies
bullets
investigations
incomplete
done in nude colored shading to protect virtue
the same color of those mandating
I don’t want policies practices attitudes
that run contra with well intentioned ideas of morality
fingers
guns
batons
policies
bullets
investigations
incomplete
done in nude colored shading to protect virtue
the same color of those mandating
I don’t want policies practices attitudes
that run contra with well intentioned ideas of morality
I want to talk about little boys
with high hair
knobby knowing knees
dirty nails
eyes shaped by the gods
who zip by on bikes up decently manicured streets
past working-class lawns
getting into shit because it's their right
forming the rest of the war council clubhouse
as they circle around beautiful faces with those long legs and straight backs
that they may take for granted, now
but will likely love and dedicate lives to later
with high hair
knobby knowing knees
dirty nails
eyes shaped by the gods
who zip by on bikes up decently manicured streets
past working-class lawns
getting into shit because it's their right
forming the rest of the war council clubhouse
as they circle around beautiful faces with those long legs and straight backs
that they may take for granted, now
but will likely love and dedicate lives to later
I don't want to talk about how
as tax paying citizen grasping at this American dream
I couldn't even call the resource that I pay for
to help when my property was damaged
because I didn’t know how close
I might be to a thug’s mansion in hashtag heaven
if they decided to come
as tax paying citizen grasping at this American dream
I couldn't even call the resource that I pay for
to help when my property was damaged
because I didn’t know how close
I might be to a thug’s mansion in hashtag heaven
if they decided to come
in other cities for anything less than a body they don't even show up
so maybe making us immortal
by pulling the mortal coil
that has got to be as kinky as our hair
is how they keep the quotas up
by pulling the mortal coil
that has got to be as kinky as our hair
is how they keep the quotas up
I don't know
I don't even like math
iii.
I don't want to talk
because these tidings
are eerily similar to things before
Don't want to even be saying this
but I must
because little girls
haughty in their step
diamonds in their backyard they haven't even found yet
hair piled, billowing
on top of their head
because these tidings
are eerily similar to things before
Don't want to even be saying this
but I must
because little girls
haughty in their step
diamonds in their backyard they haven't even found yet
hair piled, billowing
on top of their head
I don't want to talk about this because Google can't even pick up my regional accent
but I must
because we are not nude
we are not the default
despite being divine
I'm not enough for video nomination
but I am enough to emulate
to caricature
to cherry pick
a citadel of brick houses to pillage
because we are not nude
we are not the default
despite being divine
I'm not enough for video nomination
but I am enough to emulate
to caricature
to cherry pick
a citadel of brick houses to pillage
I don't want to talk about this
but I must
because though some of us may make the news
there are hundreds more who are never spoken of
not even in the margins
in the spaces between the borders
or where the dreamers are
they are made invisible
except when politically expedient
in certain election years
(though it can be hard to get a direct answer
to a direct question from those seeking to lead us)
there are those who have been here since the beginning
still being tread upon, who cannot
even ask for a name change
without hurt feelings
and the word ‘heritage’ being thrown around
because though some of us may make the news
there are hundreds more who are never spoken of
not even in the margins
in the spaces between the borders
or where the dreamers are
they are made invisible
except when politically expedient
in certain election years
(though it can be hard to get a direct answer
to a direct question from those seeking to lead us)
there are those who have been here since the beginning
still being tread upon, who cannot
even ask for a name change
without hurt feelings
and the word ‘heritage’ being thrown around
iv.
I'm looking at a picture of a rock formation I don't know if I'm hungry but it kind of looks like a steak which makes me wonder about things bound on earth and bound in heaven which makes me wonder about relativity
if we were connected to the eternality that surrounds us everyday in the rocks who have known lives upon lives or the trees who reincarnate regularly or the wind we breathe in faithfulness would we treat each other differently?
v.
One thing I have known since I was a child:
aside from being magic
(and quite because of this unspeakable ability to be divine)
that for black people
our bodies are apparently so clumsy
our divinity so impaired
that we break our own ribs
burst our own sockets
hang our own selves while burning or waiting to be processed
starve our own selves with unseen hunger strikes
in cells while fighting for liberation
breathing
achieving
liberation of the mind
if not the self
aside from being magic
(and quite because of this unspeakable ability to be divine)
that for black people
our bodies are apparently so clumsy
our divinity so impaired
that we break our own ribs
burst our own sockets
hang our own selves while burning or waiting to be processed
starve our own selves with unseen hunger strikes
in cells while fighting for liberation
breathing
achieving
liberation of the mind
if not the self
we trip into gym mats
one shoe on the ground
one foot with a white sock
hiding color transgressions
one shoe on the ground
one foot with a white sock
hiding color transgressions
we tie our own bodies to motors
and jump in lakes to see if we can float
yes we do all these things
when we do not tell our stories
when we do not tell our stories
vi.
when we do not tell our stories
straight backed little girls who have the audacity to be beautiful
who have the courage to be young
who have the determination to walk down the street in their power
not needing validation
are simply waiting to be statistics
waiting
to be in a supposed legacy of statistics
straight backed little girls who have the audacity to be beautiful
who have the courage to be young
who have the determination to walk down the street in their power
not needing validation
are simply waiting to be statistics
waiting
to be in a supposed legacy of statistics
when we cannot tell
do not tell our own stories
kinky haired little boys
with knowing knees
on bikes
in groups
making pilgrimage to the park
are rabid
and must be put down for the sake of the herd
do not tell our own stories
kinky haired little boys
with knowing knees
on bikes
in groups
making pilgrimage to the park
are rabid
and must be put down for the sake of the herd
when we do not tell our own stories
or when we believe outside counsel and their myths
those bodies are a danger to themselves and others
or when we believe outside counsel and their myths
those bodies are a danger to themselves and others
they must be monitored
they must be stopped
they must be frisked
because they could be next in a long line of
“they did it to themselves”
or
“if they would just…”
Someone bring me the head of a dinosaur T-Shirt,
so that I can forget the names
the faces
their pain
if i can cope today
maybe i won’t be on edge
if a cop stops me for ‘failure to signal’
maybe i can eat the angry words PTSD would give me
long enough to hug my loved ones again.
......
so that I can forget the names
the faces
their pain
if i can cope today
maybe i won’t be on edge
if a cop stops me for ‘failure to signal’
maybe i can eat the angry words PTSD would give me
long enough to hug my loved ones again.
......
Genesia Williams, 2015
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