I have been going back and forth to find the words to say why this is problematic. I keep hoping that the original post is just MTO lying, as they often do. The image was a repost to Vicki Yohe —a prominent christian singer's —page, she mentioned that she was honored to sing at the wedding, so I'm guessing its true. In the comments people are towing the party line, to say "its her choice." Speaking from experience, in some ways this is true. In so many ways it is not, despite what she and others may think.Growing up, I got the gospel-of-waiting from two perspectives.
One perspective was about empowering my own choices. I cannot tell you how valuable this was for me. This gave me the understanding that my body is my own, and that giving my body away to just anyone was not healthy –not physically (see: STDs), not emotionally, not spiritually. Made sense to me then, it makes sense to me now. Because, well, agency.
The other perspective was that I, as a woman, needed to maintain absolute purity in order to find a happy and full life. That any compromising of this could forever alter my destiny. Let me assure you that this hyperbolic viewing of the message, wasn't my childhood imagination running wild, I have literally had it said to me in that way. My childhood imagination did liken this potential occurance to when in BTTF, Lorraine accidentally fell in love with Marty (lol). I was left to believe the results weren't pretty. In service to this, I made choices, altered myself in ways from which I am still recovering. Because, well, who DOESN'T want the key to a happy healthy life?
Paul said "its better to marry than to burn," Paul also thought the world was ending. Neither was completely accurate. To tie a woman's value into the amount of penises she may or may not have entertained, is, so incredibly backwards. This barbaric approach is woven into every thought we have about women globally. We cannot choose to ignore the damage done to women (and men) by setting up this false framework.
We all know women, and sometimes have been that woman who believes that being assaulted was their fault. The woman/hymen value matrix doesn't have an equation for which assault is NOT somehow the fault of the victim. And thus, there is no power within. Not for women. If a woman cannot choose to have sex, and can also not choose to not be forced into sex then who owns her body? The answer people offer is that god owns it. Well then why does god conveniently look like a woman's dad or potential/hypothetical/existing husband?
The ability to form healthy, mutually beneficial partnerships is severely impaired by this lack of balance. If the power is imbalanced in one direction how can we expect the unit to be successful?
All in all, it was this young woman's choice, to whatever degree. I dont know her, but I would question how much of her life is truly her own, based on what I experienced coming from that same school of thought. That said, she has a right to remain a virgin and save herself for her husband. She has a right not to (and to feel no shame). I cannot, in good conscience, judge her for either. That would go against my principals. I must impress however, that the idea that she belongs to her father, and then ownership of her agency is transferred over to her husband, is unhealthy and it is wrong. It divorces her and any other woman from their agency. From their right to determine their own walk.
It may be subtle, it may seem harmless, but having gone from living for other people to living for myself, I can say that there is liberty. Declaring my independence was the best thing I could have ever done. I am fully in possession of myself, my goal is to remain so. I know god walks with me, talks with me, and I trust the communion I have had with god since I was small.
From that vantage, I have had to forego the spreading of the purity gospel. I will always encourage anyone with a body to be safe, to make choices that are healthiest for them, and to remind them that they own themselves. Whenever possible any decisions they make should be their own, and that what they choose to do, is between them and god.
There is no shame in choice.
There should only be shame in the actions of those who would seek to take away choice.
